Friday, May 15, 2009

14 May 2009

I woke up feeling depressed.

I had enough sleep. Den was not around to disturb me. She spent the night with my parents so that I can get some work done today.

Yet I was depressed. May it got to do with the fact that I need to clean the house today. I don't know.

Or may be because I had not have any day off since we came back from Langkawi in April. I felt sad because finally a day off but have to spend it doing clean up and Sunday School planing. May be.

Or may be because I have not been drinking coffee?

I finally forced my self to function by around 1pm. Cleaned the house. It was time for the monthly cleaning so took me quite a bit of the time.

When I was cleaning Den's room, I was thinking may be I should not have scheduled my monthly cleaning when she is not around, that way she never learned how much time I need to spend in cleaning up...but then if she were around, I need even more time.

Another thought came to me, if I can teach Den to read successfully, may be next time I can trade with others - I teach her son/daughter to read while she clean my house....I can always dream....:)

Why do I hate doing house work so much? I don't know. I just not wired in my gene some how. I can spent hours preparing for one short lesson but hate to even spend 1 hour taking care of the house.

Then I cooked dinner. Took bath. Read an old book. I hope it would help pick up my mood. It didn't.

Den fallen asleep in my arm at 8pm while we were still out with my parents entertaining a guess from oversea. She seldom fallen asleep this way nowadays. Must have been really tired. We took her home, changed her and she never woke up.

To prepared for CG lesson tomorrow, I read a chapter about motherhood from Dennis & Barbara Rainey's Staying Close. Barbara homeschool her 6 kids. She advocate for the mothers to stay home and see motherhood as their career. I agreed with her but a bit worry when I share it in CG tomorrow, some might take it as personal attact.

I like what formal USA President Teddy Roosevelt once said,

When all is said, it is the mother, and the mother only, who is a better citizen than the soldier who fights for his country. The successful mother, the mother who does her part in rearing and training aright the boys and girls who are to be the men and women of the next generation, is of greater use to the community and occupies, if she only would realize it, a more honorable as well as more important position than any man in it. The mother is the one supreme asset of the national life. She is more important, by far, than the successful statesman, or businessman, or artist or scientist.

Wow! that is a really high praise and yet a lot of mothers willing to sacrifice their jobs as a mother to be the successful stateswomen, businesswomen, etc.

Barbara remind us that as a mother we have to give up a lot of things. Things that we like to do, we love to do, we are good at, etc. Times with friends, reading, painting, movie, etc. May be also time to be left alone? haha, I don't know.

I think one of the hardest thing being married and a mother is I no longer have the time for solitude. I carve solitude. I need that time to be alone. To hear my own thought. May be that's why I need to stay up so late. So that I can be alone. I have not been doing that the whole week...been sleeping really well...may be, I don't know.

No matter what is the cause, I am feeling much better after writing the blog. Writing is truly a good therapy. May be you should try it sometime.

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