Sunday, July 12, 2009

11 July 2009

I just attended 2 Sat of classes in Church on Understanding Homosexuality. The speaker is an ex-lesbian Pastor from an organization called PLUG (Pursuing Liberty Under Christ). The course was very good, very informative and it left me with both hope and fear.

Hope for those who are currently involved in homosexual lifestyles. Fear for the challenges our kids are going to face.

There are so many pit holes awaiting for them and the evil one is like the roaring lion waiting to eat them up.

At the end of the day, the root of all problem all started in family. I think it is very important for all parents to learn about some of the basic skills to raise up thier kids with healthy gender idintity. Honestly, there are not so hard for a healthy family.

This are the roots and causes for male homosexuality:

0-18Months

-Need touch; if lacked, child will get confused as in need touch so much that he/she cant differentiate good touch and bad touch any more.

18months-5 years old:

-A boy need to receive gender affirmation both verbally and physically from his parents, for example, telling your son: "You are so handsome/strong, etc, just like your daddy!" Keep affirm he is like a boy, he is like his dad.(a boy should not hear things like this from parents: "Why you are more like a girl than a boy?" or "Why you cry/play/fight like a girl, not like a boy?")

-A boy will notice he is different from his mom, he need to dis-identify with his mom and connect to dad.

-Parents must team up to assist this boy in this transition phase. (Mom have to help son to identify with dad. Instead of saying things like, "playing football with your dad is too rough for you, come inside and bake with me." She need to say, "when you play football you look just like your dad! What a wonderful sight!"

-If parents are not in good relationship, then when a mom say "You are just like your dad!" It is more like an accusation than affirmation. This would bring the opposite effect.

-If dad is cold and boy experienced hurt and rejection. He will try to seek the acceptance somewhere else when he is older. The boy grow up did not know how to have a healthy relationship with others boy/man, thus crave more for their acceptance and affirmation.

5-12 years old:

-Need to build up healthy same-sex friendship. This play an important role in development of secure gender and sexual identity.

-Those who did not de-identify with mom and connected with dad might have "Pre-homosexual" tendercy. "Prehomosexual" boys are very polite, responsible, clean, neat, sensitive to others (ESPECIALLY their moms need), aware of what other people expect of them and tend to deny their own needs and wants and would rather make other people happy. Homosexual behaviour is a way of being bad.

-"Prehomosexual" boys are usually taunted by same sex peer and usually not pick for sports. They craved the same sex friendship and yet was once again rejected.

-If nothing is done, they will become homosexual.

ROOT & causes of Female homosexuality:

1.Physical trauma - sexual abuse, incest, rape, neglect

2. Emotional trauma- abandonment, rejection, unmet needs for love, acceptance, gender identification and validation, lack of protection, verbal abuse

3. Unhealthy parental roles:
a. Girl see her mom as "non-nurturer": break down relationship with same sex parent lead to gender identity crisis.

b. Girl see her dad as "non-protector": girl need dad to affirm her femininity (his opinion provides affirmation or disapproval in a way that a mom cannot). Poor male role model inhibit a woman frm effectively relating to men.

Infancy:
-Perceives mom as nurturer, comforter and trust her to provide life's basic need = feel safe n secure = identify with mom

Toddler hood

-girl need encouragement, boundaries and continue involvement with their mom.

-How mom perceive life will have and impact on her child (all mom are bad, etc)

-When intimacy and identification with same sex parents is obscured in some way = distrust same sex parent = defensive detachment = girl will reject/pull away form same sex parent even if love is offered.

Childhood

-Build up healthy same sex friendship = affirm feminine identify

- Need to hear from Dad, "I love you, you are my precious little girl."
NOT "I wished you are a boy!"



I decided to skip the adolescence stage for now. I think that is already a lot of information to digest...at least for me. :)

As you can see, it is really not so hard for a healthy family, as in a family in which the parents are having healthy relationship. However, for a dysfuncitonal family, a lot of things could go wrong.

I also bought a book called "Raising Gender Confident Kids" by Melvin Wong, PHD. Hopefully when I read it I will have more to share. For now, I need to get some sleep. :)

4 comments:

  1. Im sorry but I don't understand your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yesterday I saw one of the little girl from churhc who NEVER EVER wear skirt to church actually wear a pink dress. Right away, I walked over to her and told her she looks very pretty. No matter how small is the gesture, we got start some where.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi DJ. Its me, Celine. I like this post and very alert if there's topic like this. As you know, I have two boys (and 3 brothers) and I pray for this not to happen in my family. :)

    I read "Bringing Up Boys" by Dr James Dobson. He has a chapter about homosexuality.

    Thanks for sharing, too bad we dont have seminars like this in KK.

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete