I had enough sleep. Den was not around to disturb me. She spent the night with my parents so that I can get some work done today.
Yet I was depressed. May it got to do with the fact that I need to clean the house today. I don't know.
Or maybe because I had not had any days off since we came back from Langkawi in April. I felt sad because finally had a day off but have to spend it doing cleanup and Sunday School planning. Maybe.
Or maybe because I have not been drinking coffee?
I finally forced myself to function by around 1pm. Cleaned the house. It was time for the monthly cleaning so took me quite a bit of time.
When I was cleaning Den's room, I was thinking maybe I should not have scheduled my monthly cleaning when she is not around, that way she never learned how much time I need to spend cleaning up...but then if she were around, I need even more time.
Another thought came to me, if I can teach Den to read successfully, maybe next time I can trade with others - I teach her son/daughter to read while she cleans my house...I can always dream....:)
Why do I hate doing housework so much? I don't know. It's just not wired in my gene somehow. I can spend hours preparing for one short lesson but hate to even spend 1-hour taking care of the house.
Then I cooked dinner. Took bath. Read an old book. I hope it would help pick up my mood. It didn't.
Den fell asleep in my arm at 8pm while we were still out with my parents entertaining a guest from overseas. She seldom falls asleep this way nowadays. Must have been really tired. We took her home, changed her and she never woke up.
To prepare for the CG lesson tomorrow, I read a chapter about motherhood from Dennis & Barbara Rainey's Staying Close. Barbara homeschools her 6 kids. She advocates for mothers to stay home and see motherhood as their career. I agreed with her but am a bit worried when I share it in CG tomorrow, some might take it as a personal attack.
I like what formal USA President Teddy Roosevelt once said,
When all is said, it is the mother, and the mother only, who is a better citizen than the soldier who fights for his country. The successful mother, the mother who does her part in rearing and training aright the boys and girls who are to be the men and women of the next generation, is of greater use to the community and occupies, if she only would realize it, a more honorable as well as more important position than any man in it. The mother is the one supreme asset of national life. She is more important, by far than the successful statesman, or businessman, or artist or scientist.
Wow! that is really high praise and yet a lot of mothers are willing to sacrifice their jobs as a mother to be successful stateswomen, businesswomen, etc.
Barbara reminds us that as a mother we have to give up a lot of things. Things that we like to do, we love to do, we are good at, etc. Time with friends, reading, painting, movies, etc. May be also time to be left alone? haha, I don't know.
I think one of the hardest things about being married and a mother is I no longer have the time for solitude. I carve solitude. I need that time to be alone. To hear my own thought. Maybe that's why I need to stay up so late. So that I can be alone. I have not been doing that the whole week...been sleeping really well... maybe, I don't know.
No matter what is the cause, I am feeling much better after writing the blog. Writing is truly a good therapy. Maybe you should try it sometime.
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